When I was a kid my mother always said that we should always try to leave things as we found them, if not in better state than they were. I’ve been thinking about this lately. Mum intended this to relate to material things or environmental things, eg. if you are a guest then leave things clean and tidy; if you borrowed something then it should be returned clean and well taken care of, etc. But lately I’ve been thinking about relationships and how this actually relates really very well to them. See when I think about it, I really want to feel that when I walk away from someone that I have left them in a better state than what I met them in. It sounds simple but takes conscious and applied thought and considerations of my own behaviour.
What prompted me to think about this was a recent conversation with a dear friend, who will be moving forward towards his dreams this year and we will not be able to spend much time together anymore.
Walking away from our conversation that day got me thinking. I have definitely benefited in many ways from our friendship. The best kind of friendship to have is mutually beneficial and facilitates growth for each party. Not that it’s all business, friendships are a beautiful thing that we should treasure and also have copious fun in!!!
This prompted me to consider all of my other relationships. I’ll be the first to admit that I am not always conscious of this when meeting new people and have behaved in ways I’m not proud of, after all, we are all human, but if I can at least remind myself more often until I can form new, more loving, more giving and more empathetic ways of interacting then I am happy with that. I am conscious of my desire to change and stepping closer towards it each time. It is the reality of “Do unto others as you would like others to do unto you”. At the very least, upon recognising bad behaviour, I want to be able to admit it to myself and the person I’ve projected it towards then show my remorse and make amends wherever possible, aware that when the dye is cast, it may be too late.
So here are some questions I have begun to ask myself:
- What am I putting out? In my attitude, body language, words and content?
- Am I generating my own light and glowing for others or am I an energy vampire, draining their light?
- What is my intention when entering into any new ones?
- If this were the last conversation I was to have with this person, would I feel good about it?
- How do I want to leave this person feeling after I go?”?
“The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is”
The comfort for me that day was hearing from my friend that my presence in his life had made lasting positive impact for him that reached beyond just himself, just as his had in mine and being able to appreciate how lovely that felt for both of us.
It may not happen all the time but to be able to strive towards making it the norm in my life, as opposed to to being the exception is something I feel is worthwhile cultivating. We are responsible for creating our lives and the relationships in them, we are only passengers if we are choosing to be. Everything I do now creates my future and no one is responsible for that but me, so to have beautiful friendships with my friends, family and loved ones, I must be the friend I want to have for them, I must be a beautiful friend. What do I truly want in those relationships and what am I putting into them? Therein lies my responsibility.
Attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, mirror what you desire.