I am sitting at my kitchen table, it feels like a Sunday, but it’s a Monday. Tomorrow I’ll be back at my day job. I’m looking at my back yard…. the grass is dead and its kind of wild, overrun… I’m not much of a gardener. I could be thinking about all of the things that aren’t working in my life and let it get me down. Sometimes I do. All of the things that are “missing”, the “have nots”. I would love a beautiful garden, all pretty and manicured, but right now this is what I have. It’s not perfect but it is mine and it is beautiful in all it’s wild untamed-ness.
In this moment all is perfect in its imperfection.
I often tell people that I live in the best place in the country. The best place in the world. It is beautiful and temperate, with amazing sunsets, storms and weather but really I could live anywhere and it would still be the best place in the world, because it would be the place that I am. I have learned that to get the best out of my life I just have to love exactly wherever I am, whoever I am and whoever I am with. Completely. While I work towards the things that I want. While I continue to grow, change, evolve, become. While they do too. The places, the people, the situations. I know that they are never the same. They continue to change, so the best place to be is right here, right now, in this moment.
From this moment of now I hold so much power. I have the power to create my future and heal my past. I am completely able to choose what I do next- in the next minute, in the next hour, in the next day, week, month, year…. and it too is completely changeable in the next moment or any of the following moments. I am the Alchemist of my life, with Now as my super power and choice as my wand.
I was often told that “want” was a sin. Want was a demon & I was it’s spawn, I was the “most wanting child”. Desire. Is it not just another word for goal, aim, intent…? The thing is, in my experience “want” is honest and pure. Desire is potent and powerful, underlying our everydays, though misunderstood and misguided.
The mistake lies in the short sighted idea of what desire is. Really, all motivation comes from want. Even a life of service is born from want. The want and desire to experience or gain whatever feeling, status, empowerment, payoff or need that it gives you. The choices we make moment to moment are born of desire. Those choices have short term and long term effects. Each moment we are choosing, what is the space we are choosing from?
In this moment I choose to love who I am with. The people I have in my life are there because I chose them, just as they chose me. To love or learn from, or both. If we did not choose each other, we would not be there. I choose to love who they are, not what they do. I know that who they are today will not be the same as who they are tomorrow.
In this moment I choose to love myself. I know that who I am today is not who I will be tomorrow, nor who I was yesterday and I can love the she that came before for who I am now & who I am becoming.
I choose to love the situation I am in. I know that it is temporary and changing. I also know that even in discomfort, I am growing, I am learning, I am changing and I value the good ones a little more, recognise them more readily and savour them. Last of all, I choose to love the place I am in.. I know that a pretty manicured garden is an investment of time and I have invested that time in other ways, with choices that take me to other places. I am taking conscious steps to alchemize my dreams into realities. With that, recognising the beauty of what is surrounding me now, makes the journey evermore magical and the humming excitement of continuing change flows through me.
What more powerful tools could we have than living Now and consciously choosing from the place of our deepest wants and desires?