“No was her name, No was the Lion that no-one could tame……..but No kept her name, No got so quiet she put out her flame….”
I love this lyric, it’s wildly free and beautifully heartbreaking all at the same time.
We all have rules. We make them for ourselves. Sometimes consciously and deliberately, sometimes not. They govern us even when we are unaware and they are a combination positive and negative, making up our personal values. Subconsciously, all have a positive intent for self at the beginning and our natural instincts to protect ourselves and move away from pain can be a huge factor in the rules we create for ourselves. At first this is a good thing, made in response to a particular situation, but as situations and people are different, what was designed to protect may become our own weapon of self-destruction. Our responses are triggered by similarities but using the same method with a different set of ingredients will not always yield a delicious meal.
One of my personal rules is the idea of “no expectations, no disappointments”. It’s both a false security and a double edged sword. It is the shield of my warrior instinct.
I believe in unconditional love and when love is present in a relationship, removing expectations is a beautiful thing. It allows you to love the person, regardless of their actions, but in doing so you are also choosing to trust that person with your love and also choosing to love them in the potential for hurt; you are vulnerable to them. I can think of only a select few relationships that I have with this kind of love and yet it is the most fulfilling kind. The kind that is built by going through the fire. It is both fortunate and tragic.
External to that is every other relationship, with varying degrees of love, trust and acceptance. If we were to think of ourselves as a nucleus centric to a series of rings, the closest to the nucleus would encompass the people closest to you, with each subsequent ring representing people in your life based on the degree of of closeness to you; love, trust and acceptance; what would that look like? Who would be in the first ring?
I would say that the majority of people I have in my life would sit in the second or third ring, where it is easier to love them and them to love me, as we mostly get the best parts of each other but there is enough love to be there for each other if needed.
Still, there are cracks. Threads that weave through the rings, from the nucleus and toward it. This is the danger zone. These are the tightropes, the barbed wire tentacles, slinking and stealing between the layers we construct and spreading like tree roots. We see them, we reach out to them, like the Devil knocking on your door and then inviting him in for tea. My theory is, if I can see it coming I am better prepared. I can control the damage, minimise the impact.
Unfortunately the literal translation of ” No expectations, no disappointments” to my unconscious mind is “I expect to be disappointed”, as it does not recognise the negative. Therefore, I am then orchestrating, facilitating and manifesting my own destruction. Systematically removing any personal responsibility to me, dismantling tiny threads of trust, handing over the tools to harm, waiting to see what you do with them…..for two purposes; one- to destroy any potential dependence I may anticipate; two- to garner proof. Pushing away through fear, building my own cage, initially to protect, but now without freedom, to destroy. A utopian society is a beautiful theory but an oppressive regime in practice.
The only antidote is awareness and I am responsible to administer it to myself. The function of thorns is to protect against predators, to allow the blossoming of the most beautiful flowers.
“Faith was his name, Faith came around with a smile on his face anyway…….He said tell me now, tell me the worries that knit up your brow……………And Faith stayed the same, Faith came around with that smile on his face the next day”
What rules have you set for yourself? Did you build your own cage?
Lyrics “Kitchen Door” Wolf Larsen