Healing is a continual process for us all. A continual shifting of our recognitions & understanding. We need to recognise the weapons that we use and ask why we are using them. What hurts? What needs to be healed?
The silent Treatment is a method of control or manipulation. It is a weapon. Wielded often. The funny thing is- like attracts like. When we shut down to others, they shut down to us & that can be really hard to reverse when we realise, sometimes too late. It’s too far gone. Silence and distance as means of control are just as damaging as violence and aggression. Psychological tools can be more harmful. Because when you’re on the receiving end it messes with your head and your heart.
Our intention is an incredibly powerful force and we don’t often fully or consciously comprehend the capacity of it, but we still use it everyday. Emanating from us with whichever emotion we choose to hold. We can learn to recognise our patterns and wounds from our responses. In our reactions. The reactive part of that says – “I don’t need anyone anyway”, or think, “I’ll just leave” ( emotionally/ mentally) – that makes us think “I want to punish you for punishing me- because I feel hurt.“ When we use these things this way it is a form of emotional abandonment. We take something beautiful, like silence and a construct, like time or distance and they become our weapons. And even though it may seem small and passive, it can trigger very destructive responses and effects. Créating invisible walls and barriers in our relationships. They break us down. They break down our ability to love healthily. Ourselves and others. Feeding into resentment, shame and guilt. This is the part that becomes exhausting. The push/pull.
It blocks us from being able to be fully in the place where we want to be. Present. Loving . From acting from that place. From acting from a place of loving intent. Of nurturing and giving. Blocking our ability feel & share joy. Instead We become defensive and the cyclical effect is that those that we are projecting it onto also become defensive. A silent war.
So how do we want to really be? It’s easy to say “oh just think about the good things” but that buries and invalidates the experience that came before. A bandaid over a festering wound. To bring healing into it requires mutual vulnerability- there needs to be mutual sincere recognition of what has occurred. Mutual acknowledgement of hurt. Mutual responsibility for each of our own contribution. Mutual contrition and mutual forgiveness, acceptance, release & reconciliation. Then we can move back into a state of love. Present. Free. Joyful. The path to unconditional love is in our awareness and willingness to want something more. To want peace and to live from love.